Many times the teachers and I are asked, "How can I help my child develop wholesome, respectful attitudes toward people of other racial and ethnic groups?" There is no substitute for parental modeling of the attitudes we wish to teach. Someone once wrote, "The footsteps a child follows are most likely to be the ones his parents thought they covered up." It is true. Our children watch us carefully, and they instinctively imitate our behavior. Therefore, we can hardly expect them to be kind to the entire human family if we are prejudiced and rejecting.

Likewise, we will be unable to teach appreciation if we never say "please" or "thank you" at home or outside the house. We will not produce honest children if they hear us lie to the bill collector on the phone that "Dad's not home." In these matters our boys and girls instantly discern the gap between what we say and what we do. And of the two choices they usually identify with our behavior and ignore our empty proclamations.

If you never speak derogatorily about racial minorities, and if you absolutely will not tolerate racially based jokes and slurs, your children will not fail to notice. It's the best place to begin your teaching process.

A great resource for parents is www.tolerance.org, a web project of the Southern Poverty Law Center. The website is chock-filled with online activities for kids, recommended books, tips for nurturing tolerance and guidance for discussing tough topics with your kids, everything from same sex marriage to Native American mascots. There are separate sections for parents, kids and teachers, and you can even subscribe to a free e-newsletter.

Jan Howland, "Teaching Tolerance," Montessori Matters, April 2005.